It’s no use trying to stop people from judging you or think poorly of you because it will seem like you’re fighting with giants that turn out to be windmills instead. Even if you showcase your defenses people will still not listen to you. Defense meets an unwillingness to be open. When two egos see each other what do they do? They turn away and hide. They only seem like they’re facing forward but actually, they hide from potential ridicule and judgment. This is why an ego’s aim is to stay closed. If an ego would suddenly start opening up it would lose its defenses and justifications.
An ego usually would want things to go its way and no other. To an ego, change seems scary and uncalled for. We don’t want to be judged because a judgment would surely unravel our true identity. Otherwise, when we allow a judgment to be just that a mere judgment we wouldn’t feel the need to defend ourselves or fight. This is where writing comes in. You write about specific emotions and then you actually start unraveling them through it. It’s life’s intelligent way od luring you to the promise land of truth and honesty. Judgments have the sole purpose of inspiring our greatest maturity to come forth and life is giving us so many chances to practice. When you start responding to judgment with greater maturity the ego would have no other choice but to surrender. I don’t mean surrender as a defeat but surrender as letting the greater cosmic energy guide you to your best version of yourself. Nobody says it’s easy at first. However, that’s not even the point. The point is to practice and get better at it each time. Whenever an ego is ready to fire up at someone’s judgment you turn to your breath and just let it lead all the way down to the core of your being. For instance, when you steer a ship you still have your compass with you in case you get lost. Therefore, you can always access your own inner compass whenever you’re unsure of how to respond to someone’s verbal ”daggers.”
It becomes much lighter when you just offer a compliment in a moment of judgment at least silently. If you muster up the courage to say nice words loudly go for it. A simple example:
Judgment: I don’t like that you’re always late. You just don’t respect people’s time.
Compliment: Honey, you’ve put all the right words in the same sentence. Thank you for taking your time to convey this to me. I respect your opinion. Let me give you the time that I didn’t give to others. I’m all ears. I’m listening to you.
This is how you let both hearts feel seen and heard and no one is neither ignored nor neglected.